By Daniel Yordy
www.dyordy.com

There are quite a number of curious inconsistencies in 'Christian' thought. In my previous letter, I addressed one, that is, the idea that if you desire to be like God, then you are being tempted by Satan in the same way that Eve was tempted. Every Christian knows that the New Testament commands us as New Covenant believers to be just like God.

Be perfect as your Father is perfect, forgive as God forgives, love as Christ loves, be holy as God is holy, walk as Jesus walked, and so on. And, of course, if you read Jesus' words, "Be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect" and you raise the question, "Does Jesus really mean what He says here?" Then most Christians will respond with, "Be careful, if you really want to be like the Father, then you will be caught in a trap of pride."

Does the mentality of the evil one rule so strongly in orthodox-evangelical-charismatic Christian thinking? (The answer is, "Yes, it does.")

If the Father lives in us, then how could it be possible that we would be anything but just like Him. And yet, it is not that we are like Him, but it is that He is Himself, living in and through us.

Man was created to contain God, so that God Himself could be seen in the physical universe - through man.

Here is another extraordinary twist. If you look for God's favor in everything that you do, His blessing, His going before you and making everything work towards a wonderful future, making the crooked places straight, shining a brighter and brighter light upon your path, causing His blessing and goodness to rest upon you in all of your ways, then you are being self-seeking, trying to use God for your own benefit!

There are multitudes of Christians who actually believe that, that it is wrong to expect God's favor upon your every action.

We used to sing a song "I am like a tree, planted by the rivers of water . . . and everything I touch shall prosper." We sang it, but never believed it, because it was contrary to our 'theology' to expect God's favor.

But look at this one who does expect God's favor upon everything he puts his hand to. Because of that expectation of God's favor, he sees God in everything. And seeing God in everything, he waits in confidence upon God's goodness. When things don't go right, he rejoices, confident that even that which does not seem right, God is working it behind the scenes for his benefit. This one walks in the continual presence and expectancy of God.

On the other hand, here is one who has decided that it is wrong to expect God's favor. God is 'judging' the flesh right now, and everything that doesn't seem right is coming from the hand of God as judgment against my 'selfishness.' "The curse causeless shall not come," he proudly boasts. And so he sees judgment and cursing in all things that happen to him. He expects that God does not bless him, because that is not what God is doing right now. God is bringing him to death, and since he hasn't 'died' to the flesh yet, then God cannot bless, because that would be blessing the flesh. This one walks in a continual consciousness of separation from God, always fearful of a terrifying God who can never really be satisfied.

Of these two, which one is being transformed into the image of Christ? The one who sees God's favor in all things or the one who sees His judgment and displeasure?

I lived in the second way of thinking as an adult for more than twenty years. I lived that way because I thought it was the theologically correct way of understanding God and the gospel, and I could argue that theology from the Bible, convincingly. I even wrote a booklet called "The Two Gospels" in which my entire argument was that the first man, who expects the favor of God, was walking in a false gospel, and the second man, who walks in the judgment of God against himself, was walking in the true gospel.

But as a man of integrity, I knew in my mind that I was twisting critical New Testament verses, making them say something other than what they really said, that I was deliberately ignoring other key verses, and that I was living without hope. I watched others who walked so ably in the image of the Christ that we had concocted and both they and I knew that there was some strange thing wrong with me that I found it so difficult to walk in that image. Many times I wept and cried out to God in great agony of soul, "God what is wrong with me? God, can You not save even me?" I very much needed hope.

God never did answer my cry and if you weep before Him over your faults, He will never answer your cry, either. God does not respond to disobedience and unbelief. Yet, it is without question that He purposefully takes each of us through some form of this mental/religious conflict, this grappling with the full extent of the bankruptcy of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Let me share with you the progression of God's bringing me out of this realm of mental darkness and unbelief.

I had come to such a state of hopelessness, grounded in strong Bible theology and argument, that I was almost permanently numb and frozen inside. There was no point in continuing in that way, so with a final desperate move, we left. I attended a local community college with the hope of getting a teacher's certificate so that I could somehow support my family. I was physically very weak and emotionally, completely shut down.

In a college course, I took a Myers-Brigg personality test. I discovered that my personality type was INTJ, one of sixteen types, rare, but still, a normal human personality type. Then I read descriptions of other people like myself. It was like a spear going all through me; it hurt, deeply. I discovered, for the first time in many years, that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was a 'normal' human being and that it was very common for my personality type to be misconstrued in the exact way I had been for many years.

This was God's first penetration into my darkness. Understand when I say that, that I was a very strong Christian, devoted to the Lord Jesus Christ, walking in an anointing, hearing His voice, and seeking after God with all my heart and had been in that way of living for most of my life. Yet, I can say with all honesty that I still lived in great darkness, in the consciousness of separation from God, with the sense that God's judgment was against my human flesh.

The next point of deliverance came for me a couple of years later, in a deeply anointed service in Lubbock, Texas. People were going forward in repentance and I joined them. The Lord spoke to me, at that point, to repent of ever having listened to the man from whom I had received the theology I had so ably expressed in "The Two Gospels." I spoke that repentance, and then, for the first time, probably, in my life, I found that I was able to say to myself, "God loves me," and to add no other word to it - that is, I no longer needed to add the word 'but.'

Then, about a year after that, the Lord put into my hand one of John Eldredge's precious books. I had seen it on someone's shelf, read the first couple of sentences, and was seized with a desperate thirst to drink deeply from this well. Over the next few months and years, I read John Eldredge's books, over and over. The first two times through all of them, I wept on nearly every page. I found myself on my face on the floor many times. Swords and spears went all through me, opening wide open every hurting place from many years of great, unending pain.

For years, well-meaning people had tried to 'fix my problem.' Nothing any of them had ever said to me ever rang true. I could never recognize anything in their words and solutions that had any meaning inside of me. Some of them gave up on me as a hopeless case, one who had spent hours trying to deliver me from my 'problems' would not even acknowledge my existence the last time she visited in our home.

John Eldredge's descriptions and explanations went all through me like the very bells of God. And every answer I found, ringing true in tears of pain and joy, was always the 100% opposite of everything I had ever been told.

And, for the first time in my life, I was able to consider the truth of the gospel, that God had, in fact, given me a new heart that moment, on the back steps of my house when, at the age of 7, I had invited Jesus to live in my heart. That God had given me a new heart, and that heart was good.

And here is the terrible thing. It was only when I could look at my own heart, me, Daniel Yordy's heart, and call it good, filled with the Lord Jesus Christ, that I could even begin to consider the clear statements of the gospel. Yes, the Bible was inside of me; I had studied the whole Bible under the anointing and revelation of the Holy Spirit for many years. But I could look straight at a verse like "Christ, who is our life" and not believe it at all, forced to think, "Well, Christ is my life, so 'I' have to get out of my life permanently and get into His life before God will allow me to finally experience 'my' life."

Looking back at the years with John Eldredge, I can see that through that time, God took me all apart, separated every part of me into a 'liquid soup,' just like a caterpillar in a cocoon, so that He could then put me back together again in His way.

[During this time, the Lord showed me that I had been physically scarred by vaccinations and mercury poisoning and have suffered from a mild case of autism since I was nine. In most ways, I am very capable, but when it comes to communicating in 'political' situations, I freeze up entirely. That understanding allowed me to accept my weakness in the same way as one made blind by modern medicine can accept their blindness without condemning themselves for 'not seeing.' Yes, I expect God's healing, but no, I will not condemn myself for any social inability. In fact, God made me weak, so that I might know that He alone is my Savior.]

The next event in my transformation came when we started attending Lakewood Church. Pastor Joel Osteen said something that was the beginning of God putting me back together again. He said, "Speak who God says you are." Intrigued with that thought, I took it all the way through the New Testament with this definition: since in my eternal state, I am just like Jesus, that is who I am right now. Out of that study came my book, The Jesus Secret, which I hope you will not just set on a shelf, if you have a copy, but that you will follow in the exercise that it lays out. My book is not important, speaking out loud who God says you are in a confession of faith is.

And so, for the last two and a half years, I have been doing that, speaking who God says I am. God says that I am already dead. God says that every part of me is brand new and completely of God. God says that Christ is my life. God says that Christ is all there is in me.

I want to add this: I lived for all those years under a "Christ in you the hope of glory" word. I heard the phrase many times, "the Christ in you." It became for me a deep burden of requirement, something I could never measure up to. I needed a Savior, One upon whose breast I could lean my head. I am very weak and often very frightened. If this is up to me in any way, I have no ability to make it. I need Jesus, the living One, my Friend, my Support, my Guide.

And so my book is the Jesus Secret, not the Christ Secret. For me, the person of Jesus is at the center of everything that is Christ. I need Him there.

All of my life, I had seen myself as an insurmountable problem. Now, by speaking who God says I am, the pathways of my mind began to change. In the middle of the night, when the accusation of the enemy is most heavily upon me, I hold to this word, "Christ is all there is in me," until the dark voice passes, and I am in His gladness again.

The final step in God's favor towards me came in a school chapel service. The school at which I teach promotes a gospel of separation from Jesus. Jesus is far away, here you are, you have to die to your flesh and weep over sin in order to make it into a 'salvation' that is nothing more than where you go when you die. What a horrible caricature of the truth. I have to attend, though I'm not very good at such situations. So, I close my eyes and lose myself in the glory of Jesus inside of me.

That is what I was doing about a year ago, when suddenly, I lost myself, I vanished. And Jesus was all there was in my mind, in my heart, in my understanding. I was utterly in Him and He was all there was in me, and I knew it was so.

For the first time in my life, I had found my Savior. I will never leave Him again.

Then, the exercise of changing my mind, of changing the pathways of my thought, really began in earnest.

Let me give you a recent example. Most Americans have no idea how wicked before God this nation is. I will not go into that here, but it frustrates and angers me to work with dear Christian people who idolize and worship this nation and who teach their children incredible lies about it. The other morning, I was feeling very angry about some specifics along these lines. At the same time, the old familiar voice was indicating to me that I was in a 'state of rebellion' and that I 'needed to submit' to these precious believers, that unless I did so, I could not be under God's 'covering.' I refused; I was not about to let my anger go, because it was right and just.

Then, I thought, "No, Jesus is living His life in me. This feeling of anger is Jesus, sharing His frustration and wrath over an abusive and thieving nation that wraps itself in the lie of its own 'goodness' with me." The moment I thought that, Jesus spoke to me. He said, "Will you love these dear brethren, in spite of our anger, with My love." I said, "Yes, of course, Lord."

Immediately, all trace of the anger vanished, swallowed up by God's love through me.

This is a terrible thing!

Understand that God's love does not displace His anger, it swallows it up. That means that His anger is carried inside of His love. Yes, all expression of God's anger is surrounded by and works for the purposes of His love. But it is still there and it is still terrible.

There are those dear saints who, having found the love of God, try to completely dismiss any continuation of His wrath. Not so!

But it is also a wondrous thing. Now, I could continue to love my brethren, beyond the anger, with the very love of God. Yet, I had not diminished my 'self' in any way. Self was swallowed up completely in God. I knew that Jesus is living His life in me.

I walk in the favor of God. I expect His favor in all things. At whatever point my mind draws back from the expectation of His favor, I change my mind. I will stay with the truth.

To live without the expectation of His goodness in every area of our life is to live a sad, sorry, and wasted life.

I will live in the favor of God. I believe in Jesus.

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